My teenage son is very protective of me. Always has been. His protection can be overbearing at times, and I recently had a candid conversation with him about how overbearing love can destroy the very thing you wish to cherish and enjoy....much like overwatering a flower will eventually kill the flower.

I sat him down and told him that he will have serious trouble with his girlfriends and one-day wife if he does not understand this simple, yet powerful responsibility that loving someone means giving them their own space so you are not shadowing the sunshine that makes the other person bloom.

I said to him, “Pretend I am the love of your life...your wife...your everything. Would you waltz with me in a crowded restaurant if I asked you to?”

“I wouldn’t really want to, but I guess I would if you really wanted me to,” he shrugged.

“Would you run through a field of wildflowers with me if I grabbed your hand and started one step before you?”

“Yes, Mom, I mean, wife,” he chuckled.

“Would you let me grow old alongside you?”

He smiled. “Yes.”

“Would you give your life for me if only one of us could make it out of a burning house alive?”

“Gosh...yes. Yes, I would do that for her...for you too,” he said in a soft tone.

“And would kindly respect my space and allow me to soar in my own sky, fly and falter in my own way in order for me to be the person God intended me to be?”

“Of course!”

I looked him squarely in the eye and said, “The question you most readily responded to is the very one you will have the most difficult with.”

This is rather odd and telling all at the same time: we have an easier time dying for someone than we do allowing them to truly live. How many times have we overstepped our boundary, put our foot down, and left our mark of insecurity on our lover’s heart? We may say we are sorry, we may say we are simply being protective, and we may say that our actions are out of love, but our efforts slowly suffocate the very one we would so willingly give our life for to sustain theirs. I believe you can love someone to death...death of the love they feel in return for you.

You may disagree, and that is okay...but I believe that we each have a purpose given to us by God. And our ability to fulfill this purpose at the highest level is based upon our willingness to know Him, trust Him before self, and to persevere until all you have left in you is the assurance that His mercy and grace will use your failures as stepping stones to the next level. This is an individual journey full of unique valleys and mountains. You can’t take someone with you...you are alone.

Don’t get me wrong, you can share your life with many, and maybe love madly a few, but your ultimate purpose is not to fulfill a role...your children will one day leave you, death will kiss us all, and even your best friend and soul mate will disappoint you because they are on their own journey and using their own failures as stepping stones.

Take your insecurities and trade them in for the assurance that there are no assurances other than God promises us the ultimate happily-ever-after through eternal life.  If you are controlling by nature, jealous, insecure, or feel the need to put your fears into another’s sail in hopes that they will remain closer to you, know this: I hope that person will get out of the stagnant boat and walk on water by faith before they remain living with only their imagination turning the helm. Life isn’t meant to be lived part-way or almost or compromised to the point of never tasting His full blessing...the FULL blessing waiting on the next shore.

                                                           

So I am reaching out to those who find themselves dropping the overly protective anchor on your lover’s journey and to those who find themselves not getting out of boat. Communicate. Remember, if we were truly meant to take this journey together we would be able to read one another’s mind. Interestingly enough, only God can read your mind.

What does that tell you? He is who we were meant to take this journey with. Consider it a privilege to share your story along the way with someone you love and who loves you. There are no guarantees in another person except that we all desire to share our love with another. Remember sharing means to take responsibility together, to let someone else use something....may we allow each of us to fully understand the responsibility we have to love, live, trust and sometimes watch the love of our life reach the shore of their dreams.

Do I think my son heard me? I hope so. He hugged me and said, “I want you to always be in bloom, Mom. I am sorry.”